Have you ever had that friend who knew you so well, you thought he could be your perfect companion? He knows the exact words to say; and when you have a problem, he listens as you sift through it. He gives you all his time, until all has been resolved. And provides you with just the emotional support you need. He has become your best friend, your source of joy, fun, happiness- your everything. All in a span of months.
Prior to knowing him, your life was good and you were happy with all the people in it. But after meeting this friend, he added so luxuriantly to your once ‘ok’ life- so much that you wondered if life would ever be the same without him. How could it? Who would be that source of inspiration? That psychologist that listens and somehow understands? Honestly, who would be that person that makes talking on the phone a hobby, and every conversation to be meaningful and wholesome? Nobody.
Certainly noone could ever replace this friend, and equally certain- if he was removed from your life, you would be devastated. I would. I agree that I would find a replacement, but knowing how I feel about this friend in my life, makes it unimaginable to have him gone. My friend also has integrated me in his life entirely. He has shared his best experiences and his worse with me. He has entrusted me with his secrets and allowed me in his world. I have also done the same for him, because we share this compelling need to disclose details to each other. And in every engagement, new details arise and each appointment brings us closer as companions.
He nicknamed me “leech”, but while I am tremendously benefitting from his gift of wisdom; I’d like to think I’m offering him something as well. I’m providing him with a goldmind filled with experiences of which I share with him freely. I’ve given him unconditional time, just as he’s done for me. And most importantly, I chose to be his friend. Those benefits can last for a lifetime, if providence allows. However long we know each other, we have been a blessing in each other’s lives.
What I do hope is that this friend will outlast all the others- that this friend will blossom into a soulmate because of our kindred spirit. Because of the way I always wish for him to be within my reach. Because of how we converse for hours on end. It is unfathomable how prior to those few months, we did not know each other, yet we were happy. Now, it’s hard to envision life without my friend. What I am imagining is how I can keep him in my life. Not that I previously thought of him as a partner, but the more our friendship grows the closer we’re getting to that impeccable union. The point of concern is that neither of us has discussed this state of discomfort, in spite the myriads of other discussions we’ve had. Of course, I cannot allude that our feelings are mutual and I do not wish to confront the issue. But I’m having a difficult time submerging these intense thoughts and feelings. I’m left in a state of bewilderment because I don’t know what to do.
My past dictates that the men I date never stick around after the termination of the relationship; or rather I erase them from my life. This friend of mine is too worthwhile and significant for me to put him in such a condition where there might be a chance of elimination. I’d rather keep him on a pedestal of my list of friends. However, it is undoubtedly difficult to have extreme desires for someone you consider a friend. What can I do in this instance, I’d like to know?
No other friend has bonded with me so effortlessly- has inquiried about my whole life story and knows more about me than even those closest to me has. Within a very short period of time, this friend has become so familiar with my patterns of behaviour, it’s hard to pretend. I have never experienced the type of chemistry between another friend; and interestingly it grows in every instant that we communicate. Life certainly brings amazing people into our lives: some are for a moment, others are for a season, and the best are those that comes for a lifetime. My hope is that this friend will be the latter.