It’s been 17 days and about 2 and a half hours since I arrived in Canada. Yea, well over two weeks. But is there a set timeline that you should get back in the routines of day-to-day life? Someone advised me, don’t rush! And I have heeded to that advice because there’s no need. Mind you, I am unattached, no children, and the only true responsibilities I have are to the church and to my job. In fact, the day I arrived, I was in bible study and the Sunday thereafter I was in service. A week later I was at work and I haven’t missed a day since. So while I am not slacking on my true responsibilities, I find that there are other areas that I am slow to jump back into. For instance, I haven’t been cooking as much. To be honest, I’ve been eating fast food most of the time or I go out for dinner with friends, or have dinner at friends’ house. I’m not interested in anything domestic at this moment- thankfully I left a very clean house and an empty laundry bin to go on vacation. So for now  I have a few more weeks to pretend that someone else might do those for me. Granted, I was doing my own laundry in Jamaica- not by hand as I had thought, but by the laundry machine. I would have to hang the clothes to dry on the line in the backyard afterwards using clothes pegs to hold them. I found that I was quite lazy when it came to the cooking though. I thought I would be more inspired to cook but somehow my brain was not inclined to take matters into my own hands. I was in vacation mode the whole six weeks. On a few occasion however, I found myself making breakfast: Pancake with scrambled eggs. Another time, I was making omelettes for everyone- and it came out perfect if I must say so myself. I have made dinner a few times as well. But majority of the time I was spoiled and I let my family spoiled me.

Now, I’m paying the price. I’m surprised I haven’t seen tears flowing down yet because everytime I enter the kitchen I’m sad. I think I’ve cooked a total of 4 meals since I’ve been back. Shame on me? Well I don’t feel ashamed because I know this is just a faze. I’ve been here before where I feel like eating fast food on my way from work. Yes I know it’s unhealthy and I don’t eat it because I’m addicted, but because I’m hungry and I’ll admit, lazy. I’m so lazy and so wishing someone could do the cooking for me. I lay in bed until the pangs of hunger pull me out.

But this evening someone had the audacity to say something about it. “Cooking is very important, do you know that?” Of course I know cooking is important! “Do you plan on doing any for your family? Or will your Mother or Aunt?” Now I’m not sure how to best respond to this comment, but in the nicest way I say, “Yes I plan to cook and my wonderful husband will help me”. I mean this took me by surprise. Has it been that bad, that someone else had to notice? Or is this person really rude and out of  order? I’m not sure. The conversation quickly came to an abrupt end and I pace around the house wondering whether I should order Pizza or make pasta. I search around the freezer for meat to make and I found a package of frozen salmon. I saw that I had bought sweet potato since two weeks ago when I had the motivation to go grocery shopping. I pulled out pots that haven’t been used in months and I threw some water in it and placed it on the stove, all the while pacing around, hands on hips and talking to myself. “Really?!” “I can do whatever I want to do” “So because I haven’t cooked in a while, does that mean that I don’t think cooking is important?” “And why wouldn’t I take that seriously?” “Can I be someone I’m not?!”…I peeled the potatoes with rage and threw them in the pot. “Honestly, I can cook whenever I want to” “I haven’t gained any weight from eating fast food” “Plus I’ve been busy” “Whatever!” The water starts to boil so I threw the pasta in the pot. I let the salmon sit in water to thaw and I create a marinade for it. “I don’t even have a family now. I live on my own, there is no reason to cook if I don’t want to. Does anyone cook everyday? Which single person is in their kitchen cooking all the time. Moreover I just came back from vacation. I’m still in vacation mode. What’s the problem here?”

I go over the conversation in my mind again. “Are you really this thin skin, I was just kidding” Maybe I shouldn’t have taken any of it so seriously. Maybe I should have laughed it off. Not to worry, I tell myself, someone will like me just the way I am. Soon, I calm down and I’m enjoying the cooking process. Pasta is boiling, salmon is baking and sweet potatoes are peeled and ready to be cooked. I periodically check my phone to see if I missed any calls, empty the pieces of potato skin in the garbage and respond to emails on computer in between. I drained the pasta and add the tomato sauce with vegetables and salmon. Then emptied the contents in a pyrex container and placed it in the oven to be baked a little. Sweet potatoes boiling in the meantime. Laugh to myself. So if it hadn’t been for this argument I wouldn’t have found my way around the kitchen. I certainly can allow people to get to me sometimes. I don’t call back or text to say I cooked. I let it be.

In no time, I sit by my computer and I’m having dinner. “At least I never had to leave the house today. At least I never had to spend any extra money today. I’m glad I cooked” I hope that I’ll have the desire from now on to make more meals and get back into routines of cooking and domesticity, clearly no one is coming to cook and clean for me.